My funeral

One of the most common comments I hear people say is this:

"I've never done this before, it's so overwhelming! What's normal?"

I want to take this opportunity to say this: That's ok that you've never done this before, in fact, probably pretty good. It can be extremely overwhelming, so take a step back, attempt to gather your thoughts, and for heck sake, take your time.

Most people think they need to make a decision right now about a funeral. They may feel pressured that their funeral director is asking so many questions. We have to. But that question is asked only to garner information, not to push you into a frantic, rushed state.

Go with your gut feeling on everything. Do not let your 2nd cousin or your co-worker tell you what you should do for the funeral of your loved one. If you're the one making funeral arrangements, then you more than likely were close to the person that died. You know the deceased better than anyone. I've seen more than a few families tell me that although they didn't want a visitation, Great Aunt Sally will be angry that there wasn't one. The family will grit their teeth sitting at the visitation they didn't want just for Sally to show up for 5 minutes. Was it worth it? I guess that depends on how you look at it.

We learned in school that funerals aren't for the dead; they're for the living.

I take this to mean that they're for the family that was closest to the deceased to have an event that can allow the healing process to begin. Whether that healing process is having hard rock or cartoon themes as music for the service, or having an ice cream social instead of a pastor and sermon is up to you. No one else should judge you for doing what makes you feel better.

There is no "normal" in funerals. We are all different people. It's what's nice about us- we all have different likes and dislikes. These should transfer over to our funerals, but unfortunately that gets lost on some I think.

I know for me, I want to be cremated, and have Disney songs played at my memorial service. I want favors given out to those that bother to come, and I want people to laugh and have a good time. I want people to say, "That was a great party". No tears, no depression. But then I remember, it's not up to me.

How do you want your funeral to be?