When you care enough to send the very best...

A problem seen commonly in families I serve are the "overachievers" in the mourning department.

These are almost always close relatives, and for some reason unbeknownst to myself, they feel that the amount of focus they deliver to the smallest details is somehow directly in correlation to the level of their love for the deceased.

Case in point-

A father passes away. The family chooses the services they wish, they go over the service details with the funeral director, ordering flowers, cards, etc. One relative, and it's always just one, will worry about the smallest details. This person will worry about the font that the service order is printed in, they'll worry about which side of the chapel people will be entering on, the temperature of the water that is available, and whether or not the clergy will be clean shaven. They will call at all hours of the night, uncaring about the time or the fact that you need just a moment to shake the cobwebs out of your head before answering their question at 2 AM.

They call to ask what shade of blue the carpet in the funeral home is, what amperage the lighting will be at, and if we'll know to make sure the A/C is on in the chapel on a 99 degree day. (light to medium, 55 watt, and yes, we don't like heat either and we're not stupid)

Let me say that this is a detail oriented business. I want your input at an arrangement so that I can ensure that all goes well. I want you to tell me "roses, not lilies", or "white casket not green". This is important. I am not complaining about this. It is my job to take your request and make it happen. You want doves? I get doves. You want cookies for everyone? I get cookies.

What I am frustrated by is this: "We don't want anyone to send any pink flowers. Can you make sure that doesn't happen?" or... "This card stock isn't heavy enough for the service folders, why don't you have heavier paper?"

As funeral directors, we all know that you are in mourning. You have lost someone special to you. You don't need to prove it. Sitting back and letting me do my job is so much easier on you than stressing about whether you should arrive at 2:20 or 2:25 for a 3pm service.


Your family knows you care too.

Embalming is a bad word...

This is what I was told. The word "Embalming" is too harsh and graphic for those going through the loss of a loved one.

I try my hardest to be sensitive and sympathetic to all of my families. I would never knowingly hurt them, their feelings, or laugh at their expense.

But- If you request embalming, you must sign a form, that, at the top, clearly says "Embalming Authorization". The word embalming is used at least 5 times during the conversation about signing this form. It is printed on the form. Why, then, does it become a bad word after that?

I never used graphic description, didn't overuse the word, didn't emphasize it.

I'm confused.

My disappointment

People are such a disappointment. I have come to the conclusion that I am in my profession simply to maintain a minimum level of compassion for the human race. Without my career, I would have long turned into a hermit, something akin to the unabomber, but without the explosives. 

Lack of moral instillation is what peeves me most. The blatant disregard of humans to other humans boggles me. People are cruel. They have no concern for the other person, and these same people who will gladly cut you off on the freeway, or shove you out of the way to get closer to the checker in the grocery store are also the same ones who will declare that they are believers in human rights, and that torture and the death penalty are wrong. 

If you wish to defend and protect your fellow humans, shouldn't you treat them with respect at all times?

It seems that most people today are on "AutoPilot". They go about their lives without really stopping to question if the decisions they make are the right ones. 

Should you be working in that dead end job?

Should you go to church because that's what you've always done?

Should you get married just to say that you're attached to someone? 

Should you have children?

Should you make the changes you need to in order to be happy?

Most people assume that there are "must do's" in this world...you must get married, you must conform, you must start a family, you must work in a job you hate, you must be unhappy.

There are no right or wrong answers. You must make the best decision for you. And the best decision isn't the one that someone else made. It's the one that you think about, ponder, consider, and chew on, and decide what YOU want. 

If most people stopped being on AutoPilot, and stopped to think about things thoroughly, perhaps they'd be happier. Perhaps they'd pay attention to the other human beings on the planet, and show them a little respect.

Remember, you share the world with a ton of other people. Be nice to them in all ways.