It's implied occasionally when I am meeting with families, as well as from people outside the business that I "am only in it for the money, to swindle people for my own benefit". It is frustrating to have to defend my profession, explaining that I am not driving a Mercedes, I'm not even driving a new Kia! I don't take vacations abroad, and I don't see a family and imagine dollar signs.
This bias not only frustrates me, to a small extent, it hurts. There are far, far more professions out there that with the same amount of schooling, will yield a higher salary. Heck, the construction guy holding the "Slow/Stop" sign is making more than I am.
Why is the Funeral Professional given such a horrible stigma?
Some greedy jerks in the business ruined it for the rest of us that have a conscience and a heart. Why should we trust anyone in any business if that's the case? Bankers have embezzled, jewelers have sold shoddy gems, car salesman are greasy, and heaven knows we can't trust the mortgage industry. Maybe because of this, it's impossible to believe that anyone in any job really cares. But surprisingly, at least at my funeral home, We Care.
I will say this: I do not work on commission, I don't care which casket you buy, and I don't care whether you cremate or bury. My whole goal is to make your wishes and service go off without a hitch. In short, I don't care what you do, but I do care that it gets done properly.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
My funeral
One of the most common comments I hear people say is this:
"I've never done this before, it's so overwhelming! What's normal?"
I want to take this opportunity to say this: That's ok that you've never done this before, in fact, probably pretty good. It can be extremely overwhelming, so take a step back, attempt to gather your thoughts, and for heck sake, take your time.
Most people think they need to make a decision right now about a funeral. They may feel pressured that their funeral director is asking so many questions. We have to. But that question is asked only to garner information, not to push you into a frantic, rushed state.
Go with your gut feeling on everything. Do not let your 2nd cousin or your co-worker tell you what you should do for the funeral of your loved one. If you're the one making funeral arrangements, then you more than likely were close to the person that died. You know the deceased better than anyone. I've seen more than a few families tell me that although they didn't want a visitation, Great Aunt Sally will be angry that there wasn't one. The family will grit their teeth sitting at the visitation they didn't want just for Sally to show up for 5 minutes. Was it worth it? I guess that depends on how you look at it.
We learned in school that funerals aren't for the dead; they're for the living.
I take this to mean that they're for the family that was closest to the deceased to have an event that can allow the healing process to begin. Whether that healing process is having hard rock or cartoon themes as music for the service, or having an ice cream social instead of a pastor and sermon is up to you. No one else should judge you for doing what makes you feel better.
There is no "normal" in funerals. We are all different people. It's what's nice about us- we all have different likes and dislikes. These should transfer over to our funerals, but unfortunately that gets lost on some I think.
I know for me, I want to be cremated, and have Disney songs played at my memorial service. I want favors given out to those that bother to come, and I want people to laugh and have a good time. I want people to say, "That was a great party". No tears, no depression. But then I remember, it's not up to me.
How do you want your funeral to be?
"I've never done this before, it's so overwhelming! What's normal?"
I want to take this opportunity to say this: That's ok that you've never done this before, in fact, probably pretty good. It can be extremely overwhelming, so take a step back, attempt to gather your thoughts, and for heck sake, take your time.
Most people think they need to make a decision right now about a funeral. They may feel pressured that their funeral director is asking so many questions. We have to. But that question is asked only to garner information, not to push you into a frantic, rushed state.
Go with your gut feeling on everything. Do not let your 2nd cousin or your co-worker tell you what you should do for the funeral of your loved one. If you're the one making funeral arrangements, then you more than likely were close to the person that died. You know the deceased better than anyone. I've seen more than a few families tell me that although they didn't want a visitation, Great Aunt Sally will be angry that there wasn't one. The family will grit their teeth sitting at the visitation they didn't want just for Sally to show up for 5 minutes. Was it worth it? I guess that depends on how you look at it.
We learned in school that funerals aren't for the dead; they're for the living.
I take this to mean that they're for the family that was closest to the deceased to have an event that can allow the healing process to begin. Whether that healing process is having hard rock or cartoon themes as music for the service, or having an ice cream social instead of a pastor and sermon is up to you. No one else should judge you for doing what makes you feel better.
There is no "normal" in funerals. We are all different people. It's what's nice about us- we all have different likes and dislikes. These should transfer over to our funerals, but unfortunately that gets lost on some I think.
I know for me, I want to be cremated, and have Disney songs played at my memorial service. I want favors given out to those that bother to come, and I want people to laugh and have a good time. I want people to say, "That was a great party". No tears, no depression. But then I remember, it's not up to me.
How do you want your funeral to be?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
My weekends...
As stated before, I do get scheduled days off. We all work weekends though, taking them in turns. Why?
Because people don't die Monday thru Friday, 8am-5pm.
So, when I am "on call", this means I answer my cell phone when it rings, regardless of when it chooses to do so.
This can be frustrating. The 11:45pm, yes, pm call asking where their grandmother's grave is located is common. So is the 6:00am "I want prices of caskets" call. What is most frustrating is that people don't seem to think this is out of the ordinary. They seem indignant if you ask them to repeat their question because you just woke up, or they start screaming at you because you aren't sitting at the funeral home waiting for them to wander in.
Is this a sarcastic enough post?
I hope so. I think the other point that I want to make is that your funeral director is a real person, just like you. I have sympathy that you may have just lost a loved one. I want to understand the situation that you're in, and most importantly, I want to serve you in the attempt that you can begin your healing process. That may sound cheesy and rehearsed, but honestly, I didn't get into the business to make money, swindle people, or because I love being tortured by mentally unstable people.
However, please have a little understanding of your own- We have families of our own, lives of our own, and even though it IS my job to answer the phone when I am on call, I am still a human being, with thoughts and feelings. I may have just had to jump out of the shower to answer the phone, and I might even be burning my dinner while you scream at me.
Because people don't die Monday thru Friday, 8am-5pm.
So, when I am "on call", this means I answer my cell phone when it rings, regardless of when it chooses to do so.
This can be frustrating. The 11:45pm, yes, pm call asking where their grandmother's grave is located is common. So is the 6:00am "I want prices of caskets" call. What is most frustrating is that people don't seem to think this is out of the ordinary. They seem indignant if you ask them to repeat their question because you just woke up, or they start screaming at you because you aren't sitting at the funeral home waiting for them to wander in.
Is this a sarcastic enough post?
I hope so. I think the other point that I want to make is that your funeral director is a real person, just like you. I have sympathy that you may have just lost a loved one. I want to understand the situation that you're in, and most importantly, I want to serve you in the attempt that you can begin your healing process. That may sound cheesy and rehearsed, but honestly, I didn't get into the business to make money, swindle people, or because I love being tortured by mentally unstable people.
However, please have a little understanding of your own- We have families of our own, lives of our own, and even though it IS my job to answer the phone when I am on call, I am still a human being, with thoughts and feelings. I may have just had to jump out of the shower to answer the phone, and I might even be burning my dinner while you scream at me.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
My Typical Day
The main point of this blog is to help shed some light on the Funeral Director/Embalmer's point of view, from the beginning of making funeral arrangements, all the way through completion of services to families.
I thought I'd post up a generic accounting of what I do in a typical day to help readers understand my position.
I work Monday-Friday, and one weekend a month. This is not incredibly common for Funeral Service workers. Most work on an on-call basis all of the time. Meaning that someone passes in the night, they get a call, they go get that person, they bring them back to the funeral home, and then meet with the family during the day. I am one of the lucky ones in the biz, with scheduled days off and set hours.
There are vast variations of all of this. Going to someone's home to bring the deceased back to the funeral home, taking an urn to the airport for overseas shipping, embalming 4 cases in a row, spending all day on the phone, seeing 4 or 5 families, or running from funeral to funeral all day is completely possible and common.
Some people believe that we have a desk-only job, or that all we do is drive a hearse around. I hope this helps to explain the position a little better.
I thought I'd post up a generic accounting of what I do in a typical day to help readers understand my position.
I work Monday-Friday, and one weekend a month. This is not incredibly common for Funeral Service workers. Most work on an on-call basis all of the time. Meaning that someone passes in the night, they get a call, they go get that person, they bring them back to the funeral home, and then meet with the family during the day. I am one of the lucky ones in the biz, with scheduled days off and set hours.
My Day
- 8:00am - Work start time
- 8:10am - Usually about the time I get in.
- 8:15am - Check to see if any new cases came in overnight. If they have, all available Funeral Directors discuss their availability. Assign families to Funeral Directors.
- 8:20-8:25am - Call families to set up funeral arrangement appointments.
- 8:25- 8:40am - Get files ready for appointments, schedule them on our huge whiteboard, which has all of our Service information on it for easy scheduling.
- 8:40-9:20am - Call back any families that left messages overnight, and do "followup". This is a term that we use, meaning that we basically "follow up" on pending services. Calling the florist, confirming the casket is ordered, clergy is scheduled and location availability is just some of what followup could mean.
- 9:20-11:00am - Go to the prep room and prepare cases for their visitations of the day. Dressing someone, doing their hair, makeup and nails can be involved. Then we put them in their casket, make adjustments, and ensure that they look as good as possible. Then we put them in their visitation room, set up the flowers, adjust lighting, move furniture and overall, make sure that everything looks just right.
- 11:00-11:30am - Continue on more followup, this time checking to make sure obituaries are in before the newspaper's deadline. Also, call anyone who has left a message for me.
- 11:30am-12:30pm. Eat lunch. This thing, lunch, may or may not happen. It's happened as early as 11am for me, or as late as 4:30pm. Some days we don't get lunch. This is just because scheduling doesn't always take into account that you need to eat.
- 12:30-2:00pm - Embalm anyone if necessary- Keep in mind it can take anywhere from 1 - 3 hours to embalm someone. This is just a mockup of a typical day.
- 2:00pm - 4:40pm - Meet with a family to make arrangements for their loved one. Go over vital statistics, casket/urn selection, service specifics, and create an invoice for charges. This may or may not be the only time I meet with the family, depending on how organized and mentally able they are.
- 4:40pm- 5:00pm - Start a to do list for the family I just met with, and do as much as possible for now, call clergy, order flowers, work on obituary, scan photo of deceased, prepare music for the service, etc.
- 5:00pm - Check on any messages left for me while I was with the previous family.
- 5:10-5:20pm- Go home.
There are vast variations of all of this. Going to someone's home to bring the deceased back to the funeral home, taking an urn to the airport for overseas shipping, embalming 4 cases in a row, spending all day on the phone, seeing 4 or 5 families, or running from funeral to funeral all day is completely possible and common.
Some people believe that we have a desk-only job, or that all we do is drive a hearse around. I hope this helps to explain the position a little better.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
First post!!
Welcome to my blog!
This is my first post, and in this journal, I hope to share my day to day experiences about being a Funeral Director. I'll also add in my random thoughts and rants as they pop up.
A little about me, which I'll move to the About Me page later.
I am a licensed Funeral Director and a licensed Embalmer. This means I can make funeral arrangements for families, and embalm a human body. I do not perform autopsies, that's a coroner's job. I am proud of what I do, regardless of Society's opinion of funeral industry workers.
I will blog about cases that I see, embalm, and families that I serve. I will never give names, or specific details unless necessary to the story, and I will change sexes of cases from time to time, to protect myself and the families that I serve.
Check back soon to hear my tales, experiences, and anything else.
This is my first post, and in this journal, I hope to share my day to day experiences about being a Funeral Director. I'll also add in my random thoughts and rants as they pop up.
A little about me, which I'll move to the About Me page later.
I am a licensed Funeral Director and a licensed Embalmer. This means I can make funeral arrangements for families, and embalm a human body. I do not perform autopsies, that's a coroner's job. I am proud of what I do, regardless of Society's opinion of funeral industry workers.
I will blog about cases that I see, embalm, and families that I serve. I will never give names, or specific details unless necessary to the story, and I will change sexes of cases from time to time, to protect myself and the families that I serve.
Check back soon to hear my tales, experiences, and anything else.
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